Subterfuge
by Amarin Rose
Summary: Flash is on a hunt for J'onn J'onzz's Oreos. But Batman keeps getting in his way. What's a speedster to do? What he does second best, of course – annoy the Bat!


**Subterfuge**

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Peering nervously around the edge of the door into the Watchtower's monitoring station, Flash pointedly ignored Batman's glare. Batman was the only person he knew – aside from his Uncle Barry – that could make his displeasure felt from across a room.

Uncle Barry had only ever done it when he'd tried to sneak cookies as a kid. Batman did it whenever Flash **breathed** wrong.

The aforementioned Dark Knight literally **stalked** across the hallway from the cafeteria (not that Batman **ever** got hungry, of course not)."What are you doing?" he growled, once he was close enough to do so under his breath with Flash still able to hear him

Once again pointedly ignoring how the un-super powered superhero was **looming** over him – and trying (and failing) to intimidate him – Flash said, "I'm trying to figure out where J'onn J'onzz hid the Oreos." He stroked a hand over his chin in a gesture of mock-thoughtfulness and eyed the aforementioned Martian with his best expression of inscrutability.

Batman was so surprised by this answer that he actually **twitched**. On anyone else it would have been confused blink.

Flash felt completely secure in his smugness at **bending** Batman's brain, if not outright breaking it. **No one **got Bats to show actual expression like Flash did.

Unless what Hawkgirl had told him about Diana was true…

**Not** going there.

"By **spying** on him?" Batman demanded, obviously choosing to forgo questioning Flash's sanity – for once – in favor of simply…questioning his methods.

He'd helped save the world a handful of times, and Batman still treated him like a kid. There was **no** justice in the League.

"His hiding places match his moods." Flash shrugged the inquiry off and kept his eyes on the Martian currently absorbed in the screen in front of him. He had to keep up a running mental commentary of 'perfectly ordinary thoughts, nothing to eavesdrop on here, move along' to make sure J'onn J'onzz didn't know he was being spied upon, but that was surprisingly easy thanks to being faster than sound, faster than light, faster than…pretty much everything and every**one** else around him.

It was said that genius was the ability to be able to hold two opposing thoughts in your mind at the same time. Flash was able to keep three different trains of thoughts running, in completely opposite directions, all while holding a **coherent** verbal conversation.

He **so** ruled.

"Wouldn't it be easier to gauge the Manhunter's mood by actually **talking** to him?" Bruce glowered down at him, blue eyes narrowed behind his cowl.

The glower and accompanying anger were covering his confusion, Flash knew. And Batman had actually asked an unnecessary and **personal** question. Batman normally would have just stalked off once it was obvious that Flash wasn't up to any malevolent mischief. And Batman did not **do** personal – unless what Hawkgirl had told him about Diana was true…

He **so** was not going there.

"If I talk to him then he'll figure out that I'm looking for the Oreos," Flash said, putting just enough exasperation in his tone to imply the, 'Duh!' but not enough to make Batman try to hurt him.

Much.

"He can read your mind when you're on **Earth**, Flash," Batman pointed out. "You're only nineteen yards away from him now."

Bats was getting testy. Time for the grand finale, Flash decided. "Yeah, but right now he's too busy watching _Passions _to notice anything short of an alien invasion," he said with blithe innocence.

Oh. My. Unidentifiable Deity. Batman actually looked…kerfuffled. Before he could move through bemused, confused and into perplexed, the Dark Knight glared at him, whirled on his booted heel and stalked off.

Well.

Chaos, confusion, disorder. Flash's work here was done. Now, to go and snatch the Oreos from their **real** hiding place. J'onn J'onzz was completely absorbed in his television show, which meant that someone else was monitoring the Watchtower from the secondary station – and Flash knew just who the Martian switched monitor duty with on a regular basis.

Whistling softly under his breath to keep J'onn J'onzz from reading his mind – the Martian couldn't stand show tunes for some reason, which was why he'd started singing them in the shower (he **so** did not need an audience, however physically absent, when he jerked off) – Flash headed at a sedate pace – for a speedster, at any rate – towards the Green Lantern's room.

Flash's favorite pastime was Bat-baiting, and the rest of the Justice League was under the impression that just the **thought** of what the ring-powered former Marine might do to him was enough to keep him out of his room? Shyeah, right.

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THE END


End file.
